So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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