took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
