Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
