so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
