I bet he comes in French.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize