my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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