I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
