the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
