census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
