She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
