so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
