we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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