Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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