Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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