Banned from zoo.
Again?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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