I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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