dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
