I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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