I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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