Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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