NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
17 year olds will be the death of me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
