does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
