As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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