The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
