A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
