He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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