I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
