I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
