What did we do last night that was yellow?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
