I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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