New invention idea: vibrating tampons
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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