In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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