Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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