just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize