if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
