I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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