i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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