I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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