They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
