Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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