ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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