Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
