her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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