i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
