he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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