I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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