you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
