Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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