I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
