i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
