i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
