so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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