"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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