I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
