Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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