we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
