She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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