I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
