you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
