why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
