Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
