My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
