It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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