i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
