I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
