Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize