i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
