hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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