Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
